The Ten Commandments

EDITOR’S NOTE: I wrote these years ago, many years ago, back when puppies were the youngest animals.  I even forgot they were here, but for shits and giggles…

1. Me having a cell phone does not put me at your beck and call. I’ll answer it when I’m free and available to talk.

2. If I want your opinion on how I’m supposed to think and/or live my life, I will ask you for it.

3. Being my friend does not grant you unfettered access to my personal life. If I don’t want to talk aboot it, so it is written.

4. If the group is doing something I deem to be boring or suck, I reserve the right not to do it.

5. If I ask a yes or no question, I expect a yes or no answer. Not an excuse or a disertation.

6. Anything that requires wearing pants isn’t worth putting your pants on for.

7. There are two types of people in this world: people who like a strong cup of coffee, and people who should just switch to decaf and stop complaining when I make the coffee too strong.

8. If I’m at the gym and have my headphones on, don’t start a conversation with me.

9. The Good Lord gives us twenty four perfectly good hours a day, and unless you’ve got company, why waste them in bed?

10. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke.

And remember The Golden Rule, if you can’t amuse everyone, sometime you’ve just got to amuse yourself…


*I reserve the right to make exceptions on any of these commandments depending on how cute she is

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6 thoughts on “The Ten Commandments”

  1. Define ‘strong cup of coffee’. Fresh ground beans? Double scoop? Spring water? Chemex coffeemaker? Cream, no sugar? Mocha Java? Colombian? Kenyan? What’s your recipe?

  2. Every good Conservative should have a Jura Super-Automatic espresso machine. Just press a dam button and it grinds a single-cup portion of beans, tamps them, and shoots high-pressure hot liquid through the grounds. Out comes the best, easiest cup o’ joe you’ve ever had.

    Oh .. and he who buys green beans and roasts them hisself in a hot air popcorn popper is a man who is blessed beyond his means (and cheaper too).

  3. Tell the people at Dairy Barn if the coffee is too strong they only have access to a ton of milk to make it better 🙂

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